[Warning] might be triggering; sickness; depression.
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m OK
But that’s not what gets me
Should it have been someone else, the song might not have meant much.
Perhaps the song would only mean just that. A song. A song that someone created for various reasons, but mainly for someone to listen to it.
[l/n] [m/n] was listening to it.
It didn't necessarily mean anything to him. He was not even a fan of the singer or the composer. He might be fond of the genre, yeah, but not the song entirely.
So why was he listening to it for the longest time?
Why is the song on repeat for almost three weeks already?
He knew the answer.
He had always known why.
His phone was the only thing alight in the dark room. The place was a simple, nearly run down apartment. It was the only thing [l/n] can afford. It was convenient enough to survive. It had a bedroom, a small kitchen and a living room.
If it can be called that, anyway.
The place was a mess. The lights were turned off. The kitchen sink was filled with plates and utensils unwashed for several days. Clothes were strewn across the floor, abandoned and unattended.
His dull [e/c] eyes scanned the contents on his phone. He scrolled the contents of his phone, stopping at an old picture that was taken months ago.
The image in the picture was slightly blurred, from what [l/n] could recall was because of the shaking of their arms from laughing and breathing heavily from running.
There was a young blond guy, with bright blue eyes that [l/n] believed he had not seen any kind of light brighter than those eyes.
His name is Kohinata Hozumi. A member of both the Shogi club and the Stride club. [l/n] [m/n] was on the same year as him, and could even be considered close friends with him.
That's what they were.
They were just friends since the first time they met.
"Hi! We're in the same class, so we should become friends!"
[l/n] looked up at the energetic blond who had approached his seat.
"... How is being in the same class count us as friends already?" he replied, obviously not really interested.
"Huh? Doesn't it already become default by then?" the blond answered.
"I mean, we are in the same class so we will see each other often in school and then eat at the same time and go home together and probably have club activities, too! Sorry, I rambled," and the blond paused for a moment. "Nevertheless, isn't that what friends would do?!"
The [h/c]-haired boy stared at him.
"Isn't that what classmates would do as well?"
The blond blushed in being shut down, but did not stop.
"My name is Kohinata Hozumi!"
"... [l/n] [m/n]."
It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ it
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
Months passed, and suddenly he realized that there was something wrong with him. He felt uneasy whenever Kohinata- call me Hozumi, he remembered him say- was around him.
Even eating started to seem difficult. His stomach started giving him discomfort. Was he sick?
Whenever they met, whenever they did something, or just whenever they were together. He knew that there was something going on.
And thus, he started thinking about the blond more often than he expected.
One time, he recalled. There was one time that he asked Kohinata about what was going on, because he knew he could trust him, but he remembered leaving out some parts.
"You've lost weight, [m/n]-kun. Have you been eating properly?"
"I have, Hozumi. But I need to ask you something."
"Why do I feel weird all the time? I go uneasy, sometimes with some weird discomfort in my stomach. Then my heart starts beating fast whenever I see and whenever I think of this person."
"... You like that person?" Hozumi had his head tilted, kind of almost like a head shaft, with utmost curiosity.
"Is that it?"
"I mean, yeah, probably because you get nervous everytime you'll be with each other. And that person probably gives you the 'butterflies in your stomach'-"
"I'd say these are bats in my stomach. They are absolutely painful," he said a bit bitterly.
And the blond laughed.
"Try getting that checked by the doctor, then."
He could recall actually setting a doctor's appointment the following weekend that time. Of course, [l/n] wouldn't believe such a feeling as 'liking' another person.
It just wasn't him.
He then looked back at the picture. Both of them were smiling so much. This was taken right after one of Hozumi had one of those competitions. Stride, he called it.
"[m/n]-kun! I'd like you to meet someone," Hozumi looked so excited.
"Who?" and he looked to see a tall guy, with brown hair, kind of intimidating. A third year?
"Hi! My name is Hasekura Heath," the guy said with an outstretched hand.
"[l/n] [m/n]," and he shook the tall guy's hand.
Hozumi then spoke up. "He's... How do I say this? He's my boyfriend, [m/n]-kun."
[m/n] could remember actually feeling something inside him snap. Several weeks after that, he had stopped coming to school. He felt sick.
Like not just lovesick, he had realized too late.
He is ill. Along with painful discomfort from his abdomen, he was also starting to vomit blood.
Was what the doctor told him true?
His phone, which had locked by itself, lit up again with an incoming call. It was from Hozumi. He had been calling and texting [m/n] several times now.
This time, [m/n] decided to answer.
"Thank god, you answered! I was getting worried here, [m/n]! Why weren't you answering any of my calls? Why haven't you come to school? Better yet, where are you right now?!"
Hozumi was shouting. He must have been really worried. [m/n] knew of only a few things that could make Hozumi worried.
"I'm at home, Hozumi."
"Then I'm coming over."
The call ended. [m/n] stared at his phone as if it had gone weird and grown a head or something.
He got up from where he was sitting at the floor, with his back leaning on the couch. [m/n] was losing strength in his body. While he headed to his bed, his feet gave up on him, and he collapsed.
Maybe I should just sleep here? he thought as his mind went black.
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say (much to say)
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do, oh.
Hozumi came with Hasekura, along with the other members of the Stride club. They were alarmed to see the [h/c]-haired male collapsed across the living room.
"[m/n]!" the blond shouted, and started crying and sobbing at how pale [m/n] looked.
"Kohinata, we need to get him to the hospital."
Several hours later, they found themselves waiting for a doctor to come out of that cursed emergency room where [m/n] was held.
Their club advisor, or coach, had called [m/n]'s parents and the principal, and informed them of the situation. All of them were now waiting on updates.
Two doctors came out from the room. One of them was a doctor regularly assigned to emergency situations, before he would call on someone who is more experienced in the situation.
The other one, a female, was [m/n]'s doctor when he had himself checked. She was the one who, when she heard the name of the patient, rushed in the E.R. as well, despite not being frequently needed there.
She looked at the teenagers waiting. And she shook her head at the grave news she was about to give.
"[l/n] [m/n]-kun has stomach cancer. Stage four," she said, almost quietly. "I am so sorry."
Hozumi cried. Because he realized something too late.
Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
[for JuuzouTwerking (Wattpad)]